I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
