Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
