It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
