Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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