She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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