first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
