Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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