John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
