question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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