there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Say something about gay babies.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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