its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
