I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
