So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
