I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
