my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
