dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
