i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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