Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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