Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
