turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
