I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
