omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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