wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
