Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
