I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
