She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
