i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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