put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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