I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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