Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
