I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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