well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
