Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
