i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
