You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
