i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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