Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
