this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
they need to just BURY HIM!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
where does the pee come out of this thing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
