What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
