I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
