It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
