There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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