saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
