Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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