Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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