you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
