Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
