I cut my penus on the lid.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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