and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
smell my finger.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
