then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
