I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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