everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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