Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
