somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love you. Go after that dick
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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