I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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