the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
there is puke in my bra ... again
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