I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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