So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
