he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
