Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
