I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
