why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
