dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
