Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
