She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize