i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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