Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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