1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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