last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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