oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I intend to get homeless drunk
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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