A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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