Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
