I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
