don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
