I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
