Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
