i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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