the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
