Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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