I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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